Anti-aging vs. successful aging.

Climbing up the ladder of my twenties, I realized halfway through that I probably already missed the mark on “preserving my youth.”

I thought hair density oils, retinol creams, and face and hair masks were fun, little options. I didn’t realize I was living in sin by neglecting them.

What’s worse is according to the phenomenon of anti-aging TikTok, 22-year-old individuals telling me how to not look like a decrepit hag, I missed the beauty train when I didn’t have the forethought when I was 12 to get monthly facials to prevent wrinkles.

These panic-filled videos are full of tips on how to “stop aging” and “reverse its signs,” as if looking like you’ve been on the earth for as long as you have and seen some sunshine is reprehensible. This anti-aging culture has gotten to the point where some videos instruct viewers on how to laugh without moving their face in an effort to prevent smile lines and crows feet.

The pressure to buy into anti-aging products, methods, and treatments is nothing new.

It speaks to a wider conversation on ever-changing beauty standards and the mega marketing machine we live in.

Video essays by Salem Tovar, FunkyFrogBait, and Chad Chad go into deep analysis about the chaos ensued by this obsession to preserve youth, and I suggest giving them a watch if you’re keen.

I’m not against protecting your skin from harmful elements, buying products, or paying attention to how we care for the different parts of the body. In fact, I think the way we care for any part of us is an access point to growing in more self-compassion towards ourselves overall.

That’s why I’m going to incorporate the following in my vernacular from here on out.

On a podcast by Mel Robbins, her guest Dr. Amy Shah, made this distinction, “We don’t want to say anti-age, right? We want successful aging.”

The podcast was about gut health, but I’d never heard someone replace “anti-aging” with “successful aging.”

I involuntarily let out a sigh of, “Oooh, that’s good” when I heard it and went to write it down. Because for anyone who feels the pressure to look as young as possible for as long as possible, you’re fighting a losing battle. Instead, focus on the one thing you do have control over: Aging well, investing in your health in mind, body, and soul. I think that’s a much more logical, sustainable, and meaningful goal.

Shaming anyone, including yourself, for showing naturally occurring signs of a life lived is damaging and unhelpful. For individuals in their 20s and 30s, so future-oriented that they’re already worried about how they’ll look in their midlife, it’s ironic they’re not giving the same amount of thought to the person they’ll be when they hit that point.

Time is a universal constraint.

Gravity will affect all of our bodies in one way or another.

Aging is natural.

And if you’re spending your youth trying desperately to hold onto it, I would dare to say that the stress created in that panic is counterintuitive to your efforts anyway.

So what does “aging well” look like for you?

Envision the badass you want to be at 65, 70, 75, and 80. Reach for what will enrich your life long-term, treat your face and hair and wrinkles with gentleness, and give your poor body a break. It’s only doing what’s natural and life is too short to try to fight it.

God-forbid you spend your life smiling and your skin is the evidence of it.