The shame of limitations.
“I can’t” was not an accepted response in my upbringing.
The message was, “You can do anything if you work hard enough.” It wasn’t a bad message on the surface. It empowered me and my siblings to feel like we could accomplish anything if we made the mental shift to do so. All that was required was we put in the hours, blood, sweat, and tears to get the job done. This message also made me believe, as an individual hovering just above five foot, that I could still lift anything, which comes in handy when a friend is moving.
I’ve been called “mighty mouse” on more than one occasion.
But while the idea that “anything is possible if you just hustle hard enough” may have emboldened me, it also cast a negative connotation on my limitations in time, resources, energy, and creativity — almost to the point where I’ve bought into the delusion that my limitations aren’t realities to honor but obstacles to overcome.
With a growth mindset in hyperdrive (if I don’t know how to do something, I’ll learn), my energy, time, and emotional limitations are not acceptable. But the older I get, the more that’s shooting me in the foot. I’m ending more and more days disappointed in what I was able to produce, what I didn’t get done, and deflated.
But I’ve finally begun to realize the volume and quality I’m expecting of myself is physically impossible. To continue expecting myself to somehow beat that impossibility is hurting what capacity I do have. I didn’t realize how heavily I operated in this mentality — that my limits are meant to be pushed and there’s no merit in personal boundaries around work, time, and the results I should expect of myself.
I’ve become my own monster, and unto what? Productivity? Pride? No one’s holding a gun to my head and demanding I complete everything on my list, so why am I?
I’m trying to come to grips with my limitations, detangle the shame around having to adjust what I can expect of myself, and subtract projects from my list. It’s been a big blow. In adjusting my self-set expectations, kicking and screaming the entire way, I keep hearing, “If everything’s important, nothing is.”
Learning how to accept my limitations without it affecting my sense of self-worth feels impossible, but I’m trying.
Is it just me? Does anyone else experience this too?