Questions to ask more often.
I have a running list of “good questions” I keep in my digital notes. Conversation starters, vulnerability catalysts, silly thoughts.
Before a date or a long drive with a friend, I’ll put a few in the conversational chamber.
Here are 10 questions I want to ask more often:
What’s been on your mind lately?
Instead of mining for something my conversation partner will find interesting, I let them set the topic with what’s already on the noggin.
If you found yourself in a cult, what kind of cult would be? How high up in leadership do you think you'd go?
Hippy-dippy? Hyper self-improvement based? A high-control dance troop? The kind of cult you could see your personality falling into says a lot about you.
If, for one day, you could make it so everyone couldn’t lie to you on any level about anything, would you want to experience that?
Brutal truth anyone? I don’t have the stomach for it.
When do you feel most like yourself?
Knowing when someone feels most themselves — whether that’s when they’re engrossed in a board game, working on a project, or alone in their car belting it to Celine Dion — is sacred knowledge. It shows me how to orchestrate more moments where they can fall into their “most-self selves.”
“Watch carefully the magic that occurs when you give a person enough comfort to just be themselves.”
5. What could you rant about for hours?
What grinds your gears in zero seconds flat? Hot buttons are a one-track highway to identifying passions and values because beyond the griping, there’s gold. Plus, it’s fun to watch people go off.
6. Can you guess what I like most about you?
People love hearing about themselves, especially when it’s positive. The trick of this question is that their first guess will reveal what they like most about themselves as they’ll figure that’s the main thing that’s likable about them. Likely though — there’s much more to admire, and they’ll eat up your sweet thoughts about them.
7. What would you do if you weren’t afraid?
All we want to experience is on the other side of fear. Unpacking what’s holding us back is the first step to recognizing we’re the ones at the top of that list.
8. Age gaps in relationships — what are your thoughts?
Past legal adult age, age gaps aren’t so cut and dry. I like the nuance of this conversation because we all have some thought about it.
9. Do you feel inspired where you live?
Are you inspired by the people you’re around? The city you’re in? The home where you’re living? Learning where someone draws inspiration again, is sacred and sweet knowledge.
10. What do you wish people would ask you more often?
9 times out 10 the answer to this one is, “How are you? But how are you really?” Life is tough in one way or another for everyone. People want to know you truly care about how they’re coping with it.
What questions do you keep in the back pocket?