Ditching Dave Ramsey: How Financial Feminist Shifted My Money Mindset For Good
Disclaimer: I’m not a financial advisor. Any guidance or opinions offered here should not be a replacement for qualified, licensed advice. The purpose of this website and post is to provide education and spark conversation. The author shall not be liable for any actions resulting from the consumption, implementation, conversation, or redistribution of any material provided here
Table of Contents:
Homework and Takeaways
When I was 18, I entered the universe of Dave Ramsey with a workbook in hand.
Telecasted annually at the church I grew up in, I gifted myself the $100 Financial Peace class for my birthday, taking its teachings as the gospel truth they were made out to be.
In between the lines of Ramsey’s curriculum money was not only presented first and foremost as a means of security, but the teaching implied that the amount of money you had was an indicator of how well you followed the Bible.
In other words, your wealth equated to how good of a Christian you were.
Check out this episode from James with Fundie Fridays, who provides a deep dive into how Ramsey formed his company, runs his company, and interlaces Biblical teachings to promote his teachings to learn more.
Growing up in a predominantly religious household, I didn’t realize this “money script,” a term coined by psychologists Brad and Ted Klontz, heavily affected my view of finances, how I managed it, and how the number in my bank account controlled what I believed about myself.
That was until I read Tori Dunlap’s book Financial Feminist, in which she took my script, flipped it, ripped it up, and lit it on fire.
Here are my main takeaways and a few things I learned as I applied them.
First and Foremost, Money is Emotional, Whether You Realize It or Not
Money carries unique implications, ideas, and markers of morality to us all. Some may subconsciously believe people with wealth are inherently wrong — that the rich only become wealthy by exploiting the poor, so we never allow ourselves to build wealth for fear of becoming bad people. Still, others believe money’s primary purpose is to make us feel good when we’re sad, so instead of saving for a big goal, they blow extra income on things that only offer temporary joy.
Whatever the case, our “money scripts” are sneaky and subconscious, and they begin far younger than we might realize. Money scripts are heavily influenced by how finances were discussed in our household growing up, how we saw our caregivers use them, and our earliest memories of conceptualizing money.
Research suggests that most of our money habits are formed by age seven, which Dunlap notes in her book, “By second grade, you’ve largely established how you will view and manage money as you move through life.”
So, as an adult, while you may present more financially literate reasoning for why you handle your money the way you do, you’re likely making money decisions through the lens of a seven-year-old’s mindset without even realizing it.
As an adult, you’re likely making money decisions through the lens of a seven-year-old’s mindset without even realizing it.
I know I do—I penny-pinched when I was seven and I penny-pinch now, feeling guilty about overspending, constantly catastrophizing about the future, and storing up for the inevitable moment everything will be taken away. No matter how much money I save, I automatically operate out of a scarcity mindset because, historically, that mindset has kept me from the brink of poverty—or so my seven-year-old self inside believes.
Additionally, Dave Ramsey’s curriculum buzzing in my ear from an early age made me believe frivolous spending was near sin, so I constantly experienced shame when I spent money on non-essentials. This has kept me in a cycle of constriction and fear of using my money as the tool it can be.
In her book, Dunlap asks her readers to explore their embedded money scripts, having them recount their first money memory. From there, she suggests getting curious about what life would look like if we exchanged the beliefs about money that no longer serve us.
It’s my belief that had Dunlap not included that invitation, her book would’ve been full of many inspiring and informative tools, but they would’ve inevitably fallen on dry ground. The seeds of the concepts she shares would’ve never taken full, sustainable root in the reader’s life had she not illuminated a light on what money subconsciously and uniquely means to us individually.
My Main Takeaways from Financial Feminist
Note: These are my paraphrased takeaways, not direct quotes.
Your earliest understanding of finances was solidified by age 7.
It's not our fault that we don't know this stuff. We were never taught it. Women especially aren't taught how to be financially independent.
Whether you have $1,000 to invest or $1, start investing today and invest on a regular basis.
Making tons of money is not a prerequisite to preparing for retirement.
Assets are anything that make you money instead of costing you money, and owning property isn’t your only option when adding to your asset column.
Passive income doesn’t have to be a digital product, course, or piece of content you hope people like and buy. Investing is a form of passive income.
No you’re not an ungrateful prick if you negotiate your salary, rent, or anything else. Employers especially expect you to negotiate your salary, so learn how to do it and let yourself be uncomfortable when you try it.
Homework and Takeaways from
Financial Feminist
Chapter 2: Spending
Unpack your spending narratives by keeping a Money Diary for a month to determine your actual values regarding money and how you spend it.
Log every small purchase: what you bought, how much it was, why you bought it, and how you felt about the purchase. Review your purchases without judgment when the month is over.
I kept a Money Diary, and here’s what I learned:
A whiskey-based cocktail is the ultimate treat.
It can get pricey, but it’s one of the few things that feels worth every penny and for that reason alone, when the occasion arises, I’m granting myself permission to purchase it without guilt.
Casual eating out isn’t that important to me.
In my city, there are loads of new restaurants popping up and vanishing all the time, and unfortunately, it sometimes feels like a race to try a new place before it closes its doors. While I want to support small businesses and restaurants, personally, eating out all the time is not a big joy booster for me, so I’m going to put less pressure on myself to try every spot.
If I can’t justify a business expense as a tool directly feeding into “my why,” I should cut it.
I’m a big fan of only using the free versions of tools. Still, when I kept this money diary, I identified a few areas where I was inadvertently handicapping my progress by refusing to pay a small subscription fee for the full features of specific programs.
By looking at the prospect of taking on a new subscription through the lens of: Would the full version of this tool feed into how “I exist to empower and help people make their dreams a reality so that their lives and the world are made better by what they have to offer,” I was able to make more meaningful choices about what I bought for my business and what I could cut.
Chapter 3: Budgeting
What might you be avoiding when it comes to money? Identify the ostrich effect for you. Where's your head in the sand?
What money goals do you feel you’re "supposed" to make but don't actually care about? Ask why every time.
Make your money wishes into goals. Set specific and time-bound goals and break them into bite-size benchmarks.
How to Create a 3 Bucket Budget
Determine monthly income - your lump sum of money coming in.
Bucket 1: The Bare Necessities (if I didn't pay this, I'd be charged a fee, or someone would be after me)
Rent
Food
Insurance
Loan payments
Paying off credit cards in full
Bucket 2: Goals (where you take care of past you and future you)
Filling up your emergency fund
Investing
Saving for big life stuff
Paying off debt
Bucket 3: Treat yourself (everything that's not necessary to your life but makes your life worth living)
Everything else
Eating out
Entertainment
New clothes
Subscriptions
A Financial Priority List
Put 3-6 months of expenses into an emergency fund held in a HYSA
If applicable, contribute as much as you can into your 401k or 4013b account if your employer matches that contribution
Pay down high-interest debt (above 7%)
Invest for retirement while paying down low-interest debt (below 7%)
Save for the big life stuff
I shifted my mindset on my budget, and here’s what I learned:
I’ll be honest — Ramsey’s "every dollar budget” system will take a long time to wean myself off. I’ve been budgeting every single dollar of income into rigid categories for twelve years, so it’ll take some time to shift into something different.
However, I’ve begun to reshape how I think of my spending categories, and I’ve never experienced this much ease in knowing how to spend thoughtfully. For example, if my gas category exceeds what I anticipate needing in a month, I’m not immediately annoyed that I’ll have to steal $50 from my grocery category to cover the cost.
A three-bucket category is less math and hassle but still gets the job done.
Chapter 5: Investing
Starting at all is better than waiting to start perfectly.
Choose an institution. Do it yourself (and be confused), look into a robo-advisor, or there’s Dunlap’s Treasury platform.
Choose your investments—a mix of mutual and index funds.
Put money in the account and automate recurring transfers.
I imagined my 65-year-old self, so I knew who I was saving for:
Whatever it is, how you tell your story online can make all the difference.
From Dunlap’s prompt: You're retired. Who are you? What's a standard day like for you?
It’s a morning in 2059.
I don’t have to make to worry about paying my bills, but I still get up at 6:30 AM because that’s when the air smells best. I sip coffee in my garden as the sun creeps up and over the tree line surrounding my home, my legs dangling from my patio chair because I’ve inevitably shrunk below five feet like my grandma before me.
I spend my days working with people, continuing to find ways to empower them, see them, and take the time to deeply know their stories. My work never needed to be amplified for it to be powerful, and I continue to find the most fulfillment in the reviews that come across the dinner table, the one-on-ones, and over a shared whiskey.
My mission remains to be the people to the right and the left of me. I don’t need to leave a mark on the world — just on the people in mine.
I spend my days writing. I throw community dinners, BBQs, and game and movie nights where friends, family, and neighbors have an open invitation.
Consider answering this journal prompt for yourself. How do you envision your retired life? Who are you saving for? What do they spend their days doing?
Chapter 6: Negotiating
A successful negotiation is not necessarily about getting what you ask for. Still, it’s you thoughtfully preparing your materials, advocating for yourself firmly but kindly, and one where you were brave enough to try. Regardless of the outcome, that's a successful negotiation.
When negotiating with an employer:
When negotiating with an employer, determine your market rate. Shoot for hard metrics in each of these categories.
This is a mix of what people similar to your level of experience in your industry are making.
Look at Glassdoor and anonymous Google Sheets by Google salary data spreadsheets and ask your colleagues to find this.
Determine your stats on the value you've added to past organizations.
How much money did you save them? How did business grow? What sorts of projects did you manage? How did you go above and beyond? How do you contribute to positive company culture? Tell the story of your value. Prepare specific narratives based on the job description with stories, numbers, etc.
Employers expect you to negotiate. In a salary negotiation, don't ask for what you want — ask for something a step or two above what you’d actually settle for.
You're interviewing your potential employer, too. You have just as much power as they do.
Go-to scripts:
"It's hard to know the full scope of the role at this stage of the process, so I'd love to know your budget."
"I'd be happy to tell you if your budget meets my expectations."
If they really won’t budge and meet where you want to be compensated: "What kind of goals and metrics do I need to hit in the next six months in order to be compensated at this level?" Get this agreement in writing, even if it's a follow-up email.
Go-to scripts when negotiating as a freelancer:
If the brand doesn't have a budget: "Well, let me know when you have a budget. Hope you have a great day!"
If the brand is under your budget: "For this project, I typically charge $_____. Let me know if you have the budget."
If they don’t know their budget, I say, "Okay, no worries. Typically, for a project of this scope, I charge $__. Let me know if you have the budget."
Chapter 7: Financial Self-Care Practice
Have a sustainable self-care financial practice. Set up a recurring “money date,” and make it something you look forward to. Make your date an affordable luxury experience, however that looks for you.
During your money date:
Celebrate what’s going well.
Review where your money could be doing more for you.
Review your statements and/or money diary.
Check in on your goals — pull up all your statements to track your progress.
Create a plan to make achieving your goals easier — automate, research, implement what you need to make it frictionless, etc.
Start talking about money with others who are open to the conversation. Remove the stigma on money, talk where you can, and share your knowledge and resources. Champion those around you working towards their money goals.
Decide what you stand for and explore how your money can play a part.
When you have all you need, build a longer table, not a higher fence.
Final Thoughts
Money is emotional. Money is personal. Money is a tool.
Taking financial literacy into your own hands means freedom, options, and open doors — geographically, experientially, and every area of life.
Learning how to shift our mindsets and exchange our scripts around money takes time and patience, but resources like Dunlap’s Financial Feminist are here to help us learn together.
Where does your financial life need an upgrade? What resources help you feel in control of your money? What new money script do you want to write? Let me know in the comments.