Flirting + Converting: The Spicy Game of Sales

The snake oil salesman that stops you in your tracks while walking through the mall.

The cringy flirt everyone avoids at the office Christmas party.

These might be the images that surface when contemplating sales and flirting, however, there are hidden secrets in these concepts that span beyond stereotypes.

Flirting teaches us about sales and sales teaches us about flirting.

Here are their parallels:

KILL A SALE, KILL A FLAME

Close-ended questions, or questions with only a yes or no answer, kill conversation in both sales and flirting. The art of keeping a social interaction interesting depends heavily on the quality of questions you ask. In both sales and flirting, your goal is to communicate how you can benefit a person’s life—you’re selling them on something or you’re selling them on you.

Open-ended questions are key in both of these contexts.

Instead of yes or no’s, lean into open-ended questions—questions that prompt your prospect to give you a thoughtful, detailed answer.

Selling examples: 

Closed: “Are you interested in a software that increases your productivity?” 

Open: “If you could be 20% more productive, what would that mean for you?”

Closed: “Have you had any issues with your car lately?” 

Open: “How secure do you feel when driving your car?”

Flirting examples: 

Closed: “So do you like skiing?”

Open: “What snow sport do you enjoy most?”

Closed: “Come here often?”

Open: “When you go out, where do friends typically find you on a Friday night like tonight?”

SHUSH

We’ve all stood helpless with our front door ajar after a salesman knocked and interrupted our day. He’s spewing on and on about this “deal that’s only being offered in your area” and all the features of whatever service he’s selling. You’ve checked out mentally, but he’s still going. You’ve said maybe a word or two in the last fifteen minutes and when you begin to share how you’re not interested, he swoops in to explain how his product is amazing and you’re just not getting it.

Similarly, how many times have you sat across from a date and they’re delving into every detail of their life story? You innocently said, “So tell me about yourself” an hour ago, and boy, are they over-delivering.

Neither of these scenarios will yield favorable outcomes for either party because sales and dating thrive on active listening.

Active listening involves giving your full attention to the speaker. It looks like eye contact, nodding, leaning forward, and listening to fully understand. Contrast that picture with someone who checks their phone while you’re speaking, eyes wandering, they cut you off as you’re finishing a thought. They give you the sense that they’re just waiting for you to stop talking so they can reply.

Active listening is an invaluable component of building rapport.

Creating rapport is forming the sense of “I like you” and “I am like you”—this builds a foundation of trust that is necessary when you get to the point where you’re either selling a product or shooting your romantic shot.

Without your prospect feeling seen and known and listened to, closing the deal or sealing the date is unlikely. Active listening is a golden tool.

SET THE TONE

Prospects consider multiple factors subconsciously when contemplating whether or not to buy into something or someone.

One of those factors is the emotional state in which you presented your proposal.

People buy into confidence, positivity and enthusiasm.

Your nerves and uncertainty in a flirting dynamic is contagious to all involved. Walking into a romantic scenario reminding yourself of the catch you are will shine through your interaction, diffusing anxiety and establishing a sense of ease.

Similarly, a salesperson genuinely jazzed about what they’re selling is much more likely to set the tone around the whole conversation.

Realizing how much power you can yield by being the thermostat—the one setting the tone—opposed to the thermometer—the one accepting whatever emotional state pre-set for you—is empowering and works in your favor in both social scenarios.

SHAKE A HAND, WINK A WINK

Whether you’re looking to persuade someone into a new pair of shoes or take you out for a steak dinner, the good news is that these two social dynamics employ much of the same tools. Good thing you have them all in your back pocket.