Pre-Nostalgia.

A lot of people have said that this recently snapped photo embodies my spirit and looks most like me.

This got me thinking: you ever wonder what photos your descendants will treasure? Which ones they’ll look at and see themselves in?

There are photos of my mom I keep that embody the bad ass she is. A photo of her on horseback. A photo of her frowning at the camera like she doesn’t give a damn.

I love these photos of the woman who would one day become my mother. But at the moment they were taken, it was just her. No family to raise, no duties to fill. She was just Amber.

It’s odd to think that at some point in the future, the photos taken of me today will in some way tell the story of the life I lived; the person I became.

What will today’s pictures exude? What impression will they give generations after me?

I look at photos of my grandparents when they were young. They’re gorgeous and youthful and completely enveloped in their time—the 60s and 70s complete with fros and fabulous orange-lensed glasses. While they’ve likely grown and evolved as people, I’m sure the elderly folks I know them to be today are not too different from the vibrant, young couple captured on film.

They probably still find the same things funny as they did back them. They likely have the same favorite foods and movies and music, and if over fifty years of marriage is any evidence: enjoy the same company.

In the same way, I’ll still be who I am today ten, fifteen, forty years down the line. I’ll probably have the same pet peeves and enjoy the same yard work. I’ll probably order the same thing at a diner and still enjoy an afternoon in a hammock.

Sure I’ll have wrinkles and age that will show the years on my face, but in my eyes, I’ll recognize present Cheyanne.

It’s strange to engage in pre-nostalgia for a moment you’re presently in—yearning for the ability to put words to an experience that only comes after the experience has passed. Deciphering the present seems impossible. Only in retrospect are we able to make sense of reality’s unfolding.

I wonder what photos of me will live on to embody how I’m seen by those that love me today and will love me tomorrow.