This week on: Wal-Mart Romance.
There’s no ask-out quite like a Wal-Mart ask-out.
The man who approached me as I cut through the women’s department to make it to the garden center was kind, but odd. I felt him stare me down first and my body instinctually went on guard without my brain even registering why.
Isn’t it wild how our bodies do that? Like a meerkat that wandered off from his mob while a hyena stalked from afar, I sensed danger afoot.
I’ve gotten asked out at a Wal-Mart a number of times which makes me think two things:
1) wow, is this the lucrative pool of prospects for me?
and
2) I should wear a fake wedding ring while on these shopping trips to prevent this from recurring
One of the more recent encounters involved a man opening with the line: “Hey, do you know where the champagne is?”
He was already in line to checkout. You’re clearly not on the hunt for champagne.
And while I’m not hating on anybody whipping out a conversation starter with someone they find cute in a public setting, there was a fuckboy energy to this guy that made me want to reply with: “Gee, I don’t know. It’s probably the same aisle where the job application I didn’t fill out to work here is.”
I didn’t say that. I naively described the detailed route to the very findable, one alcohol aisle in the store opening up a much longer, unwanted conversation.
This was a different time: after hovering for a moment, a stranger asked if he could have a moment of my time. I said “yeah, sure” because apparently, I’m the only shopper who knows where things are in this store.
Looking for champagne? Follow me. I’m your girl.
He started stumbling with thoughts on how we’re all just in our own worlds and he could tell I was busy and just trying to get what I need.
This threw me off. What? Was I being set up for a “stop and smell the roses” lecture?
I thought so, so I quickly gave one to myself as I imagined the resting scowl I must’ve had while struggling to push my three-wheeled cart through racks of $2 clothes.
He continued to tell me that as he was walking by, he was stopped in his tracks by how beautiful he thought I was. He had been watching me and noticed I wasn’t wearing a ring so was curious if I was single. He went on to admit that even though COVID made interacting with people challenging, he wanted to know if I’d want to have something to eat with him sometime.
He was genuine, although sharing that he’d been watching me shop for God knows how long was probably best kept to himself. Nonetheless, I had to give an immediate, “Wow, thanks so much, but I don’t think so.”
It was a kindhearted ask-out, but I don’t know how to take the face-to-face date request from a stranger in this day and age anymore. Wal-Mart or not, dating apps have changed the game forever and I feel unprepared in every way.
On one hand, it’d be ideal to have a story start in “real life” opposed to “we both swiped right.”
The tales we love to hear from grandparents of how they “bumped into each other at the hardware store” or “he was my waiter at my favorite restaurant” or “we took our dogs to the same park every Saturday” create the romantic notion that the love of your life is hidden somewhere in the folds of your daily living. You need only wait for that magical moment where you both realize it.
On the other hand, that isn’t how sane people seem to meet each other anymore.
So what does it say about the flesh and blood individual who approaches you as you’re browsing laundry detergent in Target or sitting at your local coffee shop? No matter how normal they seem, how do you distinguish the old fashioned from the predatory? Hasn’t it become outdated to meet and trust a stranger enough to exchange information then set up a time to have a real life drink or a meal together?
Isn’t this the scenario that’s keeping Dateline on the air?
Without an outlined resume in the form of a handful of edited selfies and a self-indulgent bio, how are we to be active members of modern dating?
If you know any of the answers to these questions and/or have insight, contact me immediately because I have to go back to Wal-Mart for Brita filters soon.