Why I'm Taking Fear as a Good Sign in Starting a Small Business
I quit my job without another one lined up to take its place.
Big grown-up no no. I know.
This is something I never thought I’d do. As a hyper-responsible stickler for budgets and tracking my money, it took time to scrounge up the nerve to put in my two weeks.
Though chronically unfulfilling, that job kept me fed, housed, and full of (free) coffee for years. But I closed the chapter on it, leaving the satisfaction of a pocket full of hard cash in tips with it.
But it was right.
I realized months ago that I’d never have the time and energy to build what I wanted while holding onto this safe, predictable job.
Without a steady income for the first time in my adult life, my idea of what I want to do to earn money (starting a small business) feels like Play-Doh in my hands—soft and up to my discretion.
Without my full attention, it will become nothing.
I have no guarantee I have what it takes to mold this mound of uncertainty into something recognizable. I don't know if the strategy I've come up with will do anything, and if it does gain traction, there's no telling if it'll even be enough.
My biggest fears starting a small business
Virtually no income (hah) and blowing what I have saved.
Finding myself back at square one at the end of giving this a go and having to start all over.
Learning I don’t have what it takes to do what I genuinely want to do.
Failing myself — losing focus, getting in my way, and ultimately self-sabotaging so I can return to what’s safe and confident.
In the face of these fears, I’m simply moving forward.
I’m still scared, but I'm learning to respect that feeling rather than run from it.
The presence of fear must mean I’m doing something new and growing and right.
How starting a small business has changed my mindset
In the days since quitting, I’ve woken up thinking, “Wow, my livelihood quite literally depends on whether or not I focus and show up today,” and that’s been oddly exhilarating. It’s all on me to move the needle of progress, and I get to choose where the needle points.
So far, I’m already wildly relieved by the change of pace, invigorated by the work I’m doing, and eager to stay in it. I’ve divided up my work days, have a plan, and have rhythms in this experimental phase as I establish my new life.
My livelihood quite literally depends on whether or not I show up.
Going into this, I was nervous I’d overload myself initially.
Images of this mega productivity hero waking up at 5 AM, drinking green smoothies, going for 60-mile runs, meditating themself into the third dimension each morning, and getting 1,000 things done every day ran through my head. This ridiculous caricature of health and success haunts me.
A week of trying to implement these prescribed activities all at once, historically, breaks me eventually. I slowly begin to realize 5 AM is too dark to consider morning, the blare of a blender in the morning sours my mood, I loathe running, meditating for five minutes is hard enough, and I continually end the day with five of the 1,000 things complete.
I never stop to question why I feel my life needs to look this way to be considered healthy or successful.
From here, I can see the movie continue. My propensity to get distracted gets the best of me, and I begin to procrastinate, filling my hours with meaningless tasks and twiddling my thumbs in avoidance until the day is done.
Nothing created. Nothing done. And now, without a day job to fall back on, no money.
But history didn’t repeat itself this time, which is a testament to how I’ve been consistently working to grow.
My biggest surprises so far
In the pursuit of creating my schedule this week, I’m seeing the fruit of almost 30 years of living in this body with this brain.
I know her well.
In structuring my days, I know what I need after four hours of staring at a computer screen. I know that if I jump on social media in the morning, my day will be an uphill battle. I know how to check in with my nervous system throughout the day to shift gears up and down to get the best work out of me. I have much to learn in every other area, but I’ve taken the time to learn myself, and that’s making all the difference.
I’m working with my natural, personal cadence for the first time, and I’m surprised by how much joy it’s bringing me and how much easier it is to work when joy is present.
If you own a small business, what were your biggest fears and biggest surprises along the journey? What did you think it would be like and did you guess correctly?
Talk about it in the comments below. I’d love to know!